Oh, what the hell...

[jsbowden]

Several of you have done the big ginormous list of silly things meme over the last couple days, and I just can't hold out any longer. So here goes:


I will of course mock the items that make it obvious that this was put together by a teenaged chick who's far too self centered for anyone's good.

As has been set down in the text, the things that apply to me are bolded, the things that I wish applied to me are underlined, and my comments are italicized.

I miss somebody right now.

I don't watch much TV these days. Outside of The Daily Show, I don't watch much of anytyhing.

I love olives. Black olives are da bomb, yo!

I own lots of books. We've got more books than book cases, and no space for more book cases

I wear glasses or contact lenses.

I love to play video games. Um, like, duh?

I've tried marijuana. I even INHALED, muahahhahahhahahahh!!!11!one!1bang!

I've watched porn movies. Never saw the point, as they don't do anything for me, but I've seen one or two.

I have been in a threesome. Was offered the opportunity, but the idea doesn't work for me and I expect the reality of it to work even less so.

I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I don't have the right sort of personality defects to obsess on a person for this, but wouldn't it be fun?

I believe honesty is usually the best policy. The truth is a blunt instrument, a scalpel, a magnifier, a lever, and many other things, but it isn't always the best response, usually because the recipient really doesn't want to hear it.

I curse a whole fucking lot. Actually, I do in writing, but in speaking I have almost totally stopped. It's the influence of TKD. Using foul language is considered a sign of disrespect and will earn you lots and lots of push ups, and it sort of spread from there to outside the studio to daily speech patterns.

I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. It's the drugs, mostly, which I'm not currently on. My base level of cynicism has skyrocketed in the last 3 years, but reality is still outpacing my ability to think negatively.

I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me. Nope. Don't need one, and if I do, I've let myself get into a situation that I should have walked away from sooner.

I'm TOTALLY smart. SMRT, no less. I'm pretty sure I'm an idiot. Intelligent if the tests are too be believed, but what does that have to do with smart?

I've broken someone's bones. Nope, never broken anyone's anything.

I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal. Can't claim this one either.

I hate the rain. Only because it woke me up around 3am and kept me up for a while last night. Fuckin' eh, I'm tired this morning.

I'm paranoid. And complicated. It comes with the personality defects for free!

I would get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost, and scar-free. I'm no Brad Pitt, but I don't hate the way I look.

I need money right now.

I love sushi. Don't even have the desire to find out.

I talk really, really fast. I can, but it's not exactly a habit.

I have fresh breath in the morning. Sure, right after I finish brushing.

I have long hair. Duh, see the user icon?

I have lost money in Las Vegas. Never been there.

I have at least one sibling. And hey, he's even more fucked up than I am.

I was born in a country outside of the U.S.

I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past.

I couldn't survive without Caller I.D. This is one of those where I mock the originator of this list for being a clueless teenaged moron!

I like the way that I look. If I had any less chin, I'd be deported to England and have a crown slapped on my head, and if it were otherwise, my amazing good looks would be overwhelming.

I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months.

I know how to cornrow.

I am usually pessimistic. Actually, I'm the ultimate optimist, because I have zero doubt that everything is going to go wrong in as spectacular a fashion as possible. Reality hasn't let me down yet. I guess that makes me unusually pessimistic.

I have a lot of mood swings.

I think prostitution should be legalized. I'm all for it. In places where it is legal, the women aren't disease ridden junkies being exploited by sleazy assholes who need a good dose of having the shit beat out of them on general principle. That and really, other than religious based moral considerations, there's no legitimate reason to disallow it.

I think Britney Spears is pretty. Never have; likely never will. She should have worn the logos of her trainers on her body the way race cars have sponsor logos on them, because while I didn't find her pretty, she was definately built well from the neck down.

I slept with a roommate. I even married her.

I have a hidden talent. It's so well hidden, I don't even know what it is.

I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I have I even take drugs to try and mitigate it.

I have a lot of friends. I keep some people close, but I consider it a fairly small group.

I am currently single.

I have pecked someone of the same sex. I don't have a beak, but have kissed another male. Another question where you may amuse yourself with the image of me mocking the originator of this list in public.

I enjoy talking on the phone. Nope, I hate the fucking things, really. This is why I administer voice networks, it's the masochism coming out.

I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.

I love to shop. It depends. Am I shopping for books, games, or hardware?

I enjoy window shopping.

I would rather shop than eat. I can live without going to the mall. Really. Watch me do it for months at a time. Eating is an addiction I can't seem to shake without extremely negative consequences. Insert mockery here.

I would classify myself as ghetto. Those of us who started life there, have no desire to ever return, thanks.

I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders. I don't own any means of production, but I do drive a BMW, so where does that put me?

I'm obsessed with my Xanga or Livejournal.

I don't hate anyone. I dislike them. Hatred is the flip side of love, and it takes far too much effort. Loathing is much easier to manage.

I'm a pretty good dancer.

I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother. Assume the mock!

I have a cell phone. It was that or a pager, and the phone at least has the decency to not work in basements. Pagers are far too reliable an electronic leash.

I believe in a god. No. Doesn't this question discriminate against those for whom there are multiple potential deities?

I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.

I've rejected someone before. Jane was a gorgeous phillipino girl who I would have been more than happy to claim right up to the point where she said she wanted to have my kids, and she wasn't kidding. You don't tell 16 year old males this.

I currently like someone. I like a lot of people. I also dislike a lot of people. Oh wait, this is one of those entries where I should insert the mock!

I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life. I really don't. I never meant to be a sysadmin, it just sort of happened; and the pay was good; and I got to play with cool toys, but it's not exactly what I was looking to do, and despite being good at it, I'm not sure I actually want to keep doing it.

I want to have children in the future. I'm done, really.

I have changed a diaper before. Mock to da max!

I've called the cops on a friend before.

I am a member of the Tom Green fan club.

I'm not allergic to anything.

I have a lot to learn. I have no idea what it is, but if I knew, I'd have already learned it, now wouldn't I?

I am shy around the opposite sex. This one depends. Having not been single in almost 15 years now, I have no idea how shy I would or wouldn't be at this point in my life.

I'm online 24/7, even as an away message. It's a professional hazard.

I have at least 5 away messages saved. I'm not even sure that this one means.

I have tried alcohol or drugs before. I had a cider last night, and hey, last time I checked, the marijuana question above covered the drug bit. I mock thee!

I have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past. Move? Hell, I outright stole one.

I own the "South Park" movie. It's on my list.

I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or Livejournal. I'm pretty sure I'm engaged in work avoidance as I type this very entry!

When I was a kid I played "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum. I don't find shark bait attractive and I was socially dysfunctional enough to not really notice girls until I was old enough to drive.

I enjoy some country music. I spent my summers in Annapolis with my grandparents and a constant barrage of Waylon, Willie, George, Charlie, and a few other staples. Mommas, don't let yer babies grow up to be Cowboys. They might turn into Dubya, and then you'd have to hate your own offspring.

I would die for my best friends. Death is awful permanent, and I would hope to never have to make the choice. Without being there, I can't say.

I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.

No. No no no no no and no.

I watch soap operas whenever I can. The mock, it burns you!

I'm obsessive, and often a perfectionist. Another one of the free extras that comes with my brand of personality disorder! Yes!

I have used my sexuality to advance my career. I'm pretty sure that I referred to at least one of the multi-rack Origins I used to administer at NASA as a sexy beast, but I think it ignored me.

I love Michael Jackson, scandals and all.

I know all the words to Slick Rick’s "Children’s Story". Color me too old to get this one, apparently.

Halloween is awesome. Halloween was awesome when I was a kid. It's been falsely accused scare driven into a pale twisted parody of itself.

I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it. I don't make a point of it, but I'll watch it and it is funny.

I have dated a close friend's ex. This should have been grouped with the above line about Moves.

I like surveys/memes. Go through my archives. I dare ya.

I am happy at this moment. I'm at work.

I'm obsessed with guys.

Democrat.

Conservative Republican.

I am punk rockish. Bitch, I have real punk from the late 70s and early 80s on fucking vinyl. I am not punk rockish. I'm the real thing baby.

I am preppy. I'm pretty sure the square toed leather boots, the black jeans and t-shirt, and leather jackets preclude any pretense at preppy.

I go for older guys/girls, not younger. I've always been fascinated with 35 - 40 year olds, and now that I AM a 35 year old, this no longer counts as out of my age bracket.

I study for tests most of the time.

I tie my shoelaces differently from anyone I’ve ever met. Laces? Poor sods.

I can work on a car. I can still tune a 1.6L air cooled 4cyl. VW engine with nothing more than a 13mm spanner, a 10mm spanner, .006 feeler guage, and #2 phillips head screw driver from memory.

I love my job. I like my job. I like the people I work with for the most part. Love isn't something I associate with non-people.

I am comfortable with who I am right now. And you better be too, I test for Black in February, and I'm pretty damned sure I could pass today.

I have more than just my ears pierced. I have no piercings, brandings, tattoos, or other body mods.

I walk barefoot wherever I can.

I have jumped off a bridge. It was a small one, and we were drunk.

I love sea turtles.

I spend ridiculous amounts of money on makeup.

I believe in prophetic dreams.

I plan on achieving a major goal/dream.

I am proficient on a musical instrument.

I worked at McDonald’s restaurant. For 3 weeks, after which I quit because my idiot manager couldn't figure out that scheduling me to work during times I had class was unacceptable and that no, I wouldn't skip class for their $4.35/hr. dead end job.

I hate office jobs. Ever worked manual labor? I have. I know where I'd rather be.

I love sci-fi movies. s/love/enjoy/ and we can talk.

I think water rules. Water is necessary, and a damn nifty little chemical, but nitrogen compunds are where the real fun is to be had.

I went to college out of state.

I am adopted. I was one signature on my mother's part from being able to claim this one.

I like sausage.

I am a pyro. See that bit above about nitrogen compounds?

I love the Red Sox. Sports aren't something I give a shit about, and the obsessive fanatic thing is just totally creepy.

I have thrown up from crying too much.

I have been intentionally hurt by people that I loved.

I love kisses when they’re done well. s/love/enjoy/

I fall for the worst people and have been hurt every time.

I adore bright colors. I wear pretty much ONE color, and bright it ain't.

I love Dear Abby.

I can't live without black eyeliner. Poseur.

I think school is awesome. Mockery available in limited quantities, order now!

I think pigtails serve a purpose. To repressed Japanese animators.

I don’t know why the hell I just did this stupid thing.

I usually like covers better than originals. Shoot this person and do the world a favor.

I don't like multi-textured ice cream.

I think John Cusack is adorable. I enjoy his movies, but it doesn't go beyond that.

I fucking hate chain theme restaurants like Applebees and TGIFridays.

I watch Food Network way too much.

I love coaching youth sports. s/love/enjoy/ and s/sports/tae kwon do/, we can can chat.

I can pick up things with my toes. I am a mutant.

I can't whistle.

I can move my tongue in waves, much like a snakes’ slither.

I have ridden/owned a horse. Jesus Fuck, can we get anymore cliche' than a gods be damned pony? I mock you now, little girl!

I still have every journal I’ve ever written in. It turns out that yes, we can in fact get even more cliche' than above.

I can't stick to a diet. Everyone has a diet. Perhaps you should think before you make silly utterances.

I talk in my sleep.

I've often thought that I was born in the wrong century. I haven't noted any temporal anomolies, so I'm pretty sure I belong in the now.

I try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions. I find alcohol works well for this.

Climbing trees is a brilliant past-time. Even monkeys can manage this one, no brilliance required.

I have jazz in my blood. You should see a doctor about that.

I would not be friends if they weren't family. Who the fuck says you have to like your family?

I wear a toe ring.

I have tattoos.

I love vaginas. s/love/enjoy making use of/

I can't stand at LEAST one person that I work with. There are some people here who annoy me on occasion, but for the most part my coworkers aren't all that bad.

I am a caffeine junkie.

I know who Santos L. Halper is.

I read trashy romance novels and I am ashamed.

I love wrestling.

I am completely tree-huggy spiritual, and I'm not ashamed at all. You should be.

If I knew I would get away with it, I would commit at least one murder.

I cosplayed or know what cosplaying is. That's just bad taste.

I have been to over 15 conventions.

I will collect anything, and the more nonsensical, the better.

I enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner. Depends on the dinner and the wine, but generally, yes.

I'm an artist. You're deluded.

I have a goal to collect every Johnny Depp movie ever made.

I am ambidexterous.

I sleep with so many stuffed animals, I can hardly fit on my bed. The cliche', it burns us!

My computer has a name. Of course it does, it's on a network.

If it weren't for having to see other people naked, I'd live in a nudist colony. Sounds chilly

I have terrible teeth.

I hate my toes.

I did this Meme even though I wasn't tagged by the person who took it before me. Gotta kill time and avoid work some how.

I have more friends on the internet than in real life. Doesn't this reduce people who you only know online to less than people?

I have lived in either three different states or countries.

I am extremely flexible. For my age and gender, without question. Still getting even more so as I continue TKD.

I love hugs more than kisses. You keep using this word. I do not think it means what you think it means...

I want to own my own business. Are you high? Running a business is an aweful time sink and most fail leaving the owner in debt up to his children's eyeballs.

I smoke or have tried cigarettes. I tried up to two packs a day for 14 years, but in the end, I just never got the hang of it and had to quit trying.

I have met a star from ABC's LOST.

I spend way too much time on the computer. I DO get paid for it, however.

Nobody has ever said I'm normal. No one who knows me well enough to matter anyway.

Sad movies, games, fics and the like can cause a trickle of tear every now and then.

I am proficient in the use of many types firearms and combat weapons. I haven't fired a gun in a few years now, but much like riding a bike, I suspect you can hurt yourself like a motherfucker when you get back on thinking you never forget how.

I like the way women look in stylized men's suits. NEVER.

I don't like it when people are unpleased or seem unpleased with me. The word is displeased. And I am with you. Get a fucking thesaurus already. Oh, and I don't really give a shit. Another perk of my lovely personality.

I have been described as a dreamer or likely to have my head up in the clouds.

I have played tennis with my non dominant hand before.

I have played strip poker with someone else before.

I read the labels on food, shampoo, and other things just because.

I have or have had emotional problems for which I have sought professional help. Does having it inflicted it on you by your parents count?

I believe in ghosts and the paranormal. People who have engaged their brains ignore this sort of nonsense.

I can't stand being alone. Put down the crack pipe. I prefer my own company over any other.

I have at least one obsession at any given time. Another perk.

I weigh myself, pee/poo, and then weigh myself again. Ah, a professional famine victim in training.

I consistently spend way too much money on obsessions-of-the-moment.

I know what THAC0 means. I knew it before you were born.

I have a signed Tom Servo head.

I would rather sit in the same spot doing nothing than do homework.

I love eating regular flavored Crest toothpaste.

I've never been in love

I like angry boys too much for my own good. I AM an angry boy you silly little girl.

I have made one or more fancharacters for almost every fandom I've ever had.

I organize to the extent of being OCD, but my living space is generally a mess.

I have, at times in the past, mocked someone else for liking something I thought was stupid, only to become obsessed with it myself.

I have bad taste in music. I have no doubt at all that you have absolutely horrendous taste in music.

I like tuna salad on saltine crackers instead of bread.

I think people that say that "these are the best days of your life!" to school kids should be taken out and beaten. On principle.

I own many many books I have never read, and probably never will because no matter how broke I am, I still manage to acquire books almost as fast as I can read them. No, read everything I purchase before I buy new books.

I procrastinate on big projects because I know once I start one, I'll have to make it perfect. Which is why it took me so long to do this damn meme.


Right, I guess I should do some real work now.

Comments

[jsbowden.livejournal.com]

The Mag Lite on my keychain is a 2xAA, and if I need something sharp, I've got scissors in my desk, in the main kitchen/break room, and in the copy rooms. If I need sharp at home, there's always scissors, the Leatherman, and the various implements in my toolbox.