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I got a visit today from the Mormons!
They asked me if I had read the good book. I responded that I had. They then asked what I thought of it. I told them that I thought it sucked.
I was REALLY hoping they'd ask me why, but no, they just kept smiling and asked if I knew anyone who might be more receptive. I told them to try the neighbors...the only neighbors who aren't atheist, Buddhist, Hindu, or Islamic weren't home. I'm sure they had a wonderful time on our little cul de sac.
I really wanted to complain to them about the plot holes, outright contradictions, spotty writing (obviously done by committee), retcons, and editorial additions done ham handedly in a different style, obviously without authorial consent or input. At the start, it has six different beginnings. The ending is horrible too. It can't decide if it wants to be a tragic, a comedic, or a happy one. And god, the main character. So two dimensional. He's either a toddler, or a caricature. And the supporting characters? Please. The whole thing needs to be scrapped and rewritten. There's some nice poetry in there, between the excessive sex and violence. But it's not enough to save the story.
I could go on, but I won't.
They asked me if I had read the good book. I responded that I had. They then asked what I thought of it. I told them that I thought it sucked.
I was REALLY hoping they'd ask me why, but no, they just kept smiling and asked if I knew anyone who might be more receptive. I told them to try the neighbors...the only neighbors who aren't atheist, Buddhist, Hindu, or Islamic weren't home. I'm sure they had a wonderful time on our little cul de sac.
I really wanted to complain to them about the plot holes, outright contradictions, spotty writing (obviously done by committee), retcons, and editorial additions done ham handedly in a different style, obviously without authorial consent or input. At the start, it has six different beginnings. The ending is horrible too. It can't decide if it wants to be a tragic, a comedic, or a happy one. And god, the main character. So two dimensional. He's either a toddler, or a caricature. And the supporting characters? Please. The whole thing needs to be scrapped and rewritten. There's some nice poetry in there, between the excessive sex and violence. But it's not enough to save the story.
I could go on, but I won't.
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I don't miss that. At all.
Keeps out salesmen of physical wares, as well.
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NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRD!
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I've read a bit of "the book" (I worked on the night shift at a computer center at the time, and one of the computer operators had just converted. I was bored.). It's written in pseudo Elizabethan English, and is unintentionally funny for that reason.
The obnoxious missionaries are typically Xtian fundies of various flavors trying to save your soul, or Jehovahs Witlesses trying to sell "The Watchtower."
I got rid of some persistent door to door fundies once by trying to convert them to Catholicism. The Catholic BS was still fresh enough in my head that they thought I was serious, and fled in fear of their souls or whatever...
Another time I pretended to be a pagan, back when that was not a common belief in the US (1970s). That worked too. The Winslow and the FSM are just riffs on the same scheme.
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This was definitely a rare occurrence for us. We live in a subdivision where all the houses are on 2 acre lots so it isn't very easy to go door to door on foot. Plus, as an added bonus, the subdivision owns the road so the sign at the front says "Private Road". That scares off a lot of solicitors.
Last time I had the watchtower folk after me was when I lived in an apartment. They woke me up about 2 hours after I got to bed (working the graveyard shift on the weekend). I looked out the peephole, saw who they were, turned around and went back to bed. I could hear them outside the door saying "Someone is in there. I heard them." It took them about 5 minutes to figure out I was not going to open up.
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Given how easily I fold in the face of potential failure, maybe I should do something like that. Only using River Tam's attempts to fix the Bible as a guide.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_IFb6bbvpE
Maybe I should show this to my Mormon boss.
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Can't remember where I read this, but:
"Great, you're just in time! We've shaved the goat, but we haven't started the ritual chanting yet!"
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Also